Divorce Adjustment


“IS THERE A GOOD DIVORCE?”  

THAT IS A DIFFERENT QUESTION THAN — “IS DIVORCE GOOD?”

IF YOU ARE DIVORCING – IT MAY BE YOUR CHOICE – OR IT MAY BE A CHOICE YOU ARE FEELING FORCED TO ACCEPT.

MAKING IT A “GOOD DIVORCE” FOR ALL PERSONS AFFECTED IS THE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT CHALLENGE OF THE TWO PERSONS DIVORCING.

When Divorce enters a family system, difficult and life altering change is inevitable for both parties , the children involved, and the extended family of both parties.  The ripple effect of Divorce affects many persons and most often professional help is needed.

Join me in a discussion of how if often is in Divorce.

One person expresses dissatisfaction, and may or may not ask openly for change.  Based on the progression of that step, he/she silently reaches a decision to no longer be in the relationship.  He/She begins emotionally to “leave”, “separate”, “distant”.  He/She has begun the early stages of acceptance of the huge changes demanded by Separation and/or Divorce.  He/She begins those early stage before the Separation or Divorce takes place.

The other party usually has an awareness of their partner’s dissatisfaction, has listened to the complaints, expressed needs and/or demands —BUT — maintains  a position of “hope”, perhaps a belief things will “blow over” and “get better”.  He/She may also make changes they think will “make a difference”  to continue “hoping for the best”. He/She, at the time of the separation or divorce finds themselves shocked into the early stage of acceptance of  the changes divorce demands.

ONE PERSON PREPARING  — THE OTHER HOLDING ON AND HOPING – THEY ARE ON DIFFERENT “EMOTIONAL” PLANETS AND ARE FACED WITH THE CHALLENGES OF DIVORCE.

PROFESSIONAL HELP – DESIGNED TO HELP EACH OF INDIVIDUAL WITH THEIR PIECE  – IS ESSENTIAL FOR A “GOOD DIVORCE”.

When Divorce enters a family system, difficult and life altering change is inevitable for both parties and the children involved as well as the extended family of both parties.  That ripple effect affects many persons and most often professional help is needed.

This emotional difference impacts greatly on the degree of conflict that is present in Divorce. Being emotionally out of sync is the breeding ground for conflict. Conflict between the persons divorcing is the single most powerful correlate that determines the adjustment of the children as they experience the necessary changes. Research clearly shows that the higher the conflict between the divorcing parents, the greater the difficulty for the children. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s Model of the Stages of Grief are well suited to the divorcing process, however the individuals have a unique and specific progression during this normal process. Reduce the conflict between you and your spouse for your and your children’s welfare.  Professional help is available.

Love your children – Avoid the Conflict